Taco Bell Breakfast

I have run for the border in the cold, harsh light of morning.

From whomever’s mind sprung forth the Waffle Taco, I would like to shake what I’m guessing is your sticky, syrupy hand.

Ever since my friend Josh and I heard about it, we’d been jonesing to try one. We were deep into planning a road trip to a Taco Bell breakfast menu test location when the news hit — First Meal was rolling out nationwide on March 27, 2014.

And that is how Josh and I ended up at Taco Bell at sunrise on a Thursday. 


Here’s what I had.

Waffle Taco with Sausage ($1.99)
On first bite, I didn’t think it lived up to the hype. Then I dipped it in syrup, and yowza — that made all the difference. Which only makes sense, as a waffle without syrup is pointless. With the syrup, it’s sweet outside and savory inside.

The waffle shell is pretty soft and if you don’t hold onto it, it’ll attempt to revert to its natural flat state, thus becoming more of a food pile than a taco. Perhaps the Waffle Taco 2.0 will have a crispier shell that stays better put. It’s a minor quibble.

Maybe, just maybe my Waffle Taco tasted extra delicious because Josh had to pay for it since I beat him at foosball on Wednesday. If you want an extra delicious Waffle Taco, I highly suggest beating Josh at foosball.

A.M. Crunchwrap with Steak ($2.99)

This deceivingly hefty, flat dumpling-looking thing was my favorite. The hash brown patty inside was super-crispy, and the eggs were sauced with an uneven ladling of tangy nacho cheese that added a little bit of breakfast mystery to each bite.

Note to self for next time: Rather than steak, getting this with bacon is probably the way to go, as there is no real reason to ever get fast food steak.

A.M. Grilled Taco with Bacon ($1.00)

There’s not much going on here. I thought the grilled tortilla was going to be quesadilla crispy, but it wasn’t. They forgot to put eggs on my taco, and I didn’t realize it until I started writing this, nor do I think it would’ve mattered. Instead of one of these, get an extra Waffle Taco. Or be like Josh, and get three extra Waffle Tacos.

In the grand tradition of fast food joe, my coffee ($1.49) was still a billion degrees too hot to drink even 30 minutes after I’d finished breakfast. It is no better or worse than the coffee we have at the office, except I get a lovely conversation piece in the form of a cup that says, “My lifestyle is such that I make plans to go to Taco Bell at dawn, and I’m proud of it.”

The menu also features orange juice. What Taco Bell should really do is add Spicy V8 to the menu, slip you a couple of airline bottles of vodka under the counter, and call the drinks section “Boozy Breakfast Benders.”

So now that I’ve had First Meal, do I think it would’ve been worth a road trip? Would a Waffle Taco have truly been worth driving hundreds of miles?

Of course it would’ve been. Live Más, right?

And as for your next question — yes, I recognize that when it comes to Taco Bell, I’ve got serious problems.